Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize