If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
