I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
