I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Actions speak louder than pants.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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