how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
