amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
