the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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