Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bang-toberfest begins!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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