So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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