Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
