I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
