And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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