Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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