i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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