I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
