I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
