Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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