id be glad to
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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