I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
