Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
