Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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