if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
