I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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