Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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