Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
