Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
