No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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