Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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