This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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