i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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