Sry I called you an 8
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
