I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
