No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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