She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
