I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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