I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
