I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
