i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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