I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
