Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I CAN MOONWALK!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
