You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
