"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
