My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
being pregnant is like rehab
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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