she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
