the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Randomize
