I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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