She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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