3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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