i don't plan on having that self control this summer
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
