why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
