there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
