The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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