On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
