do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
