I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
