Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
lets start a swedish sibling band together
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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