i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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