You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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