So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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