Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
