and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
