I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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