It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
