so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
