dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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