"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
