Barsexuality is the new black.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
