you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
