I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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