i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
