Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
vagina is talking i cant
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize