Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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