apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
