everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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