you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
