so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
